I'm completely naked, exposing myself for the world to see. The mirror held an image of a beautiful black woman, but in my mind the person staring back at me with eyes like mine, was a shell with a painted face and fake smile. My soul cried out for someone to listen, but my mouth stayed shut and my mask stayed on. I can't hide anymore, pretending to be something that I'm not. My entire life was a lie. I was a fraud, and a phony. I wore a disguise to hide my pain and conceal my dirty little secrets. I was ashamed of being just another poor black girl, so I was willing to die a lie; rather than live the truth.
I had everyone fooled with my quick thinking and fast talking. They thought I had it all together, but my life was a stage and I put on a performance every day. I appeared to have it all on the surface, the looks, the brains, the body and the confidence, but it was all an illusion...
I played the role of a well-rounded, con¬fident girl ever since I was a child. In reality, I was searching for something or someone to save me from myself. Instead I entered into a world that would take me into the bowels of hell and change my life forever.
Laci, with her painted face, green contact lenses, fake hair, and nails, was my alter ego. She cursed like a sailor and drank like a fish. She was arrogant, outspoken, and didn't filter her words. As Laci I carried a gun everywhere, because I felt the need to prove I was hard. I sought love from all of the wrong people. Laci had no limits and often played Russian roulette with my life. With her I endured a life of drugs, alcoholism, molestation, physical abuse, rape, murder, and prison.
In order to overcome this life, I had to look into the mirror and come face to face with who I really was and accept my reality. Since then, I've come clean with who I am, where I've been, and what I've done. I've come face to face with my demons, asked God for forgiveness, and forgiven myself. Now I can live instead of just exist. I can look into the mirror without guilt or shame and accept my reality!